WORST PART!

You can't love someone you can't trust. Makes sense, right? It's freakin' weird how I got entangled in all that love vs. fool thing with him. Him, referring to XMEN; that's my personal monicker for him. XMEN was that someone I used to hang with. Everyone disliked the idea of us hanging out together, simply because he wasn't good enough. He is such a playboy type of guy, a mack daddy. He has that negative image that everyone who knew us thought it was a ridiculous thing to be going out with him, like on a date, per se. I never really cared about the bad hearsies about him, I continued to follow what my heart wants and that's to get to know him. It wasn't a very easy trip though, as they say, life is a roller coaster. I had my fair share of 'weird' moments with him and that includes the texting moments with his girls. Haha. Oh well, that was a sarcastic laugh on my part. Going back, never in my entire life had I experienced being called such filthy and nasty words like that; you know, words intended for wh*res and the like. I got a bunch load of text messages containing explicit words. ''You m*th*rf*ck*r son of a b*tch!!! You stole my boyyyffrieennddd!!!" I was like, "Uhm, these girls are actin' crazy or they're really like that?" I knew, deep within, I never did anything like that at all. 

With all that in mind, of course I exceeded the point of maximum tolerance and did what I should have done a long time. I decided to keep my distance and avoid any chance of us being together. It wasn't easy, he's kind to me and avoiding him was like being rude to him. It's such a nasty thing to do, but sometimes, I think he deserves it. I don't know, but this avoid-him-plan is making me go nutcase and all. I miss the good times, maybe. 

But I also know that I have to deal with things in a mature way, and this is the best way I'm handling it. I don't wanna go the same things again, and that's because simply put, I just can't trust him. I tried, lots of times. But he seems to not be doing any effort to be trustworthy so I decided to feel numb. I just feel so bad that I didn't get to be with him for a long time, but whatever it is, I'm happy we had our time no matter how brief it may seem. I just can't compromise my feelings again. Well, to be honest, I kinda expected it. The worst part was that I knew this would happen. :(

Note: I originally wrote this in 2009. I know nothing about him now. No more strings attached. 

DISAPPOINTED!

It's our 31st monthsary and we're supposed to be sweet and mushy and sappy and happy, flirting with each other like the first time and talking of future plans together BUT we weren't. We actually fought. Aah. It's freaking me out. It is something so trivial but it never failed to spark the patience out of our system. Yes, it's been a lot of times we've had this discussion but we never seem to get pass through this. There's something wrong I know. I just have to figure out if the fault is mine or his. :( it's making me sad. I'm terribly sad at the moment. We haven't had that 'flirting moments" for quite a while and I thought this day would be it, but right now I can say I was mistaken. The thing is he can't seem to give way for my tantrums. I want and need and demand him to be more patient and forgiving of me but he can't do it for me. He always insists to have things in his own way. And that's something that annoys me. I know this incident will be followed by silent hours of no communication between us. No texts. No messages. We'll be stickin' on our hurt ego for a little while, ignoring the fact that every amount of time spent not talking hurts the other in ways we could never imagine. I, myself, hate those times when he ignores me. I know he feels the same way too. Right now, I guess I'll be waiting for him to make the first step to bring back the "talking couple" again. It's his fault why I'm so utterly disappointed right now. So he'd better make all the necessary efforts. Hmmp. :-|